yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
