Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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