Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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