Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Text me some of your sweat
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