Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
