Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
