Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
