I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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