hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
