Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
