was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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