I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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