we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
