i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
