all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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