well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
