i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
