I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
