when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
