I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
