Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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