My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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