He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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