Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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