Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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