I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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