I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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