you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
