When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
