dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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