is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
