I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
