Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
