You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
