mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
