if i can run in heels then i can drive
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
