dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
