T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
