And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
