the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
