dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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