Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
