Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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