I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
