I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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