forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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