He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
