Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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