A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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