the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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