Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
