If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
