We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
