I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
